May 28, 2009 - 4:21:51 PM By: Jason Bent, MMATorch Columnist
This week's edition of 'The Ultimate Fighter: United States vs. United Kingdom' kicks off right where we left off following Jason Dent's victory. Coach Dan Henderson congratulates Dent on his victory before telling the team that Jason Pierce will be replaced in the competition. Not one single soul gives a damn about Pierce being gone and this serves as more than enough proof that this team loathed his presence. Obviously none of the fighters should ever care if anyone else leaves but themselves because at the end of the day only one man can win; but this had nothing to do with Pierce's ability and everything to do with his dark cloud he carried around with him.
Jason Pierce is the living and breathing embodiment of the Joe Btfsplk character from the 'Lil' Abner' comic strips, and if anything maybe he can watch the finished product on Spike and make some changes in his behavior. Everyone can get pissed off or be in a foul mood but from what we have seen it is Pierce who remains in a funk. His motivation wasn't there either and it was indeed time for him to go. I will be the first to say that no fighter should go into a fight when he medically should not be cleared to do so as this is more stupidity than bravery, but if a doctor clears you to fight, you should be willing to do so if you are indeed a fighter. From what we have seen, Jason Pierce is no such thing and his time on 'TUF' is through.
This of course would bring us to the annual game of "How Bad Do You Want It" starring Dana White as your plucky host. Our two contestants this time around were Mark Miller and Frank Lester who both would be given a few minutes with Dana in order to sell the notion that they should replace Jason Pierce. White's game here is kind of like a fistic version of 'The Love Connection' with Dana in the hot seat and having to pick between two potential dates or rather fighters in this case. Miller did a solid job of painting himself ready to fight even with a broken nose, and that it doesn't matter because he is "not going to get any prettier." Frank Lester of course looks like he has failed to pay the vig to the loan shark on time. Lester trumps Miller's broken nose with two black eyes, a missing row of teeth and an aching nose to boot. As Lester puts it, "the teeth don't matter; Dan fights toothless all the time," to which Dana laughs and it would seem his mind it made up.
Meanwhile, Team United States is traveling back to the house in the van and everyone is pressing Pierce in order to get him to admit he was unwilling to fight. Pierce claims he tried to remain in the competition and wanted to fight but that the doctor and Dana would simply not let him fight. Thankfully no one on the team is naïve enough to believe this offering and they know Pierce quit. They just wanted to hear him finally admit it.
Back at the house we are treated to Frank Lester explaining to the world that not only is it his "destiny" to fight again but it is actually "God's will." I don't know about that one at all but who am I to question anything although I am of the firm belief that the "God" he speaks of is Dana White. So, yes, it is the UFC God's will that Lester will continue to fight and we have our willing replacement for the irritable Jason Pierce. This of course was not completely "God's will" because the doctor would not clear Mark Miller to fight due to his broken nose.
Cameron Dollar and Damarques Johnson begin venting to each other and anyone else within hearing range about Jason Pierce. Dollar says plainly that Pierce wussed out and Damarques is wanting to have Pierce give up his TapouT gear. I guess this would be like the 'Good Times' episode where Michael joined the "Junior Warlords" and when Florida got him out of the gang he gave them back their jacket. Pierce never fit in with these "Junior UFC Warlords," and I could see him being forced to turn over his colors before he leaves the house. Although I do have to say that Florida Evans being willing to take on an entire street gang with nothing but a baseball bat showed a hell of a lot more moxie than Pierce, so yeah, why not leave the gear and get out. For once I have to actually agree with Cameron Dollar and that is saying something.
Off to the gym we go and Coach Henderson tells Lester that he will indeed be replacing Pierce officially due to Miller’s broken nose. We cut away to Dana White telling us how Frank Lester is definitely not a normal guy. Lester saying that, "teeth don't matter" is not how Dana or the rest of us would think and because of this, he is a true fighter. Dana adds that any guy who wants it this badly is the guy who will be given such an opportunity. I for one don't know much about Dana's rationale here, but I have seen quite a few people who felt that teeth don't matter and usually instead of fighting they are asking me for some change or giving me the same after I make a purchase at the convenience store. Although in this instance I will go with Dana and agree that Lester is either a fighter or he is crazy, and honestly both will serve you well in the world of MMA. I mean just look at "Rampage" Jackson ,who has embodied both of those descriptions, and he has been quite successful.
Lester admits he is hurting and not 100% to Coach Henderson, but at the same time makes it clear that he is willing to do it. Henderson gives him some tough love as he works the pads by shouting, "Hit hard or I'm going to shove my foot up your ass!" to Lester. That would certainly motivate me to hit those pads so hard that they would turn to dust. Teammate Damarques Johnson likens Frank Lester to a pit bull fighting with his teeth filed down, and I have to say it was a bit curious for him to use a dog fighting metaphor especially since the whole Michael Vick situation hasn't exactly been forgotten. I don't take anything from this but my opinion is that you would be best to not bring up pit bulls and dogfights if you can avoid doing so.
We next find out that Dan Henderson is not a morning guy and is sick and tired of Team U.S.A. training in the morning while Team U.K. gets the afternoon and are able to sleep in. Henderson wants to switch with Team U.K. for the final week and train in the afternoon and he decides to ask Michael Bisping how he would feel about such a change.
Bisping curtly answers, "No" without giving it much thought at all, and Henderson continues to push as if he were a used car salesman trying to get someone to buy an in-house extended warranty. The sales tactic works in at least getting Bisping to come up with a counteroffer of sorts as he asks Henderson if a bet could be made over the Lester vs. Faulkner fight with the winning team getting to decide whether to switch or not. Henderson isn't game for this idea and just wants to switch without any further ado, to which Bisping succinctly asks him, "What do you want me to do? Bend over and take it up the ass?" which ends this conversation dead in its tracks. After hearing Hendo tell Lester that he would indeed not be opposed to sodomizing someone with his foot, I was thinking that Bisping had better hope Henderson doesn't show him some prison method of how Team Quest deals with a Jason Pierce-type fighter. Rather than take off his belt and answer, "yes" to Bisping's question, Henderson simply says that Bisping is a "little bitch" and decides that he will just exercise his option of switching training times anyhow.
Dan Henderson says that he doesn't feel that betting on the fight is a fair thing to do since Lester is not 100% and it is clear that he is not feeling too strongly about his fighter's chances. Both teams were now in the gym and discussing this switching of training times amongst themselves. Bisping decides to jab Team U.S.A. by outright stating that the team must not believe in Lester since they would not take the bet. Damarques Johnson brings up the notion of a "Battle Royale" to determine which team will switch times and Henderson jabs back at Bisping by offering to play him in another game of tennis to decide matters. This comment cuts into Bisping who has shown a willingness to dish it out but an inability to take it at all.
The time has come for the fight announcement to be made and as everyone is getting ready to get in their places, we see Bisping walk by Damarques and squirt him with his water bottle. Bisping claims this is because of Cameron Dollar's "racist" remark that Bisping was "whiter than a Band-Aid," which was uttered during the Coach's Challenge. Bisping thought Johnson was the one who said it and this squirting of the water bottle was the receipt for his actions. Johnson responded to the spritzing by taking off his hat and flinging it at Bisping as if he were the "Oddjob" of 'The Ultimate Fighter.'
It is finally explained to Bisping that it was not Johnson but rather Dollar who made the remark, and he is apologetic to the team but Johnson is not willing to hear any of it. Both men were in the wrong here, and I have to say that while it was Bisping who started things off in the most childish way possible by squirting the bottle that it is Johnson who comes out looking worse for not being able to accept the apology and move forward. Bisping was man enough to admit he was wrong for flying off the handle and especially for targeting Johnson and I feel that Damarques should have at least been able to compose himself and settle it like men and not allow it to come off like some sort of half-cocked professional wrestling moment. Again, Bisping was way out of line but he admitted so, and he extended his hand and apologized to everyone and Johnson should have been able to meet him halfway and at least acknowledge Bisping's efforts. The main thing that pleased me in this situation is that this did not escalate further and that it ended as quickly as it had began. I am not going to get into what is or isn't a racist comment but "whiter than a Band-Aid" makes zero sense. Band-Aids are not white and the shade that they are is most definitely not pale. Looking like the character "Powder" from the film of the same name is white; being the shade of a Band-Aid would make you look like Matt Hughes' forearms after a day in the field. Cameron Dollar didn't make himself look like an asshole because of the comment but just made it obvious to everyone that he isn't exactly a Rhodes Scholar.
The fight is officially announced and it shall be David Faulkner of Team U.K. taking on Frank Lester of Team U.S.A. in a welterweight match up and the last of the quarterfinal bouts. Again, Bisping puts the bet on the table over the switching of training times and again it is Henderson telling him that the answer is no.
We next see the Team U.K. fighters leaving the house to train and learn that Henderson did indeed exercise his option of switching training times with Bisping. We also see the time is 9:00am and this made me wonder just what in the hell was so bad about this to begin with. I mean I could feel Henderson's pain if he was being forced to bang on a garbage can at 4:00a.m. and get the fighters into the gym by 5:00, but this is 9:00a.m. and not really that early at all. Bisping complained about having to be in the gym early but tells his team that there is no need for any of this and that they should get over it and focus on preparing Faulkner.
David Faulkner is training for his fight and he says that his only worry is his gag reflex and his inability to keep a mouth guard in his mouth. Bisping says that he really just needs a proper mouth guard but Faulkner asks to see a hypnotherapist. Bisping is not much for this and says that this might work for Faulkner since he is a crazy guy who believes in this sort of stuff.
Alice Nasife is the hypnotherapist and she looks like a charlatan you would find on the boardwalk of Atlantic City. You know the type, the ones who do a cold reading and cause a rube to suddenly plunk down money to purchase a more in-depth reading while preying on their desire for this person to truly have a special ability. This was sort of like when Jack Tripper went to see Dr. Prescott on an episode of 'Three's Company' and probably about as realistic as Nasife's technique was to keep repeating how safe the mouth guard would make him feel. The way she was talking it was as if a mouth guard were Linus' blanket, and Faulkner wasn't even fully into this as he even stated that he was never actually hypnotized or that he got anything more out of this appointment than a relaxation session. The really should have just sent him to an Asian massage parlor because he would have at least gotten something out of it, but for all I know Faulkner did receive a "happy ending" before heading back to the house. At least that would maybe ease some tension before the fight for him.
Frank Lester's face hurts but he wants to just give it everything he's got and leave nothing to chance. I have to say that I am not necessarily a big fan of Lester, but I do have more respect for him now after having seen this episode. He is indeed a little bit out there, and in that sense I will be the first to point out that he is indeed nothing at all like myself or others I know so perhaps this is what Dana meant when he said Lester proved to him that he was a fighter. At any rate he is cognizant of the grand opportunity before him and hungry enough to go for it no matter what. I appreciate that immensely and this is more footage to add to the, "Do You Want To Be A F***ing Fighter?" video to be shown when Dana White holds the MMA equivalent of a job fair.
David Faulkner vs. Frank Lester
The fight is underway and round one begins with David Faulkner landing the first blow with a leg kick. Lester answers him with one in return and both men are decidedly cautious in their attacks. Faulkner charges in with a wild hook and misses and the two clinch. Lester lands a few knees but nothing really does any damage. Faulkner would try to score a takedown but Lester got the underhooks and did well in avoiding this attempt. Faulkner lands his best blow of the round with a decent left hook but follows it up with nothing. Faulkner scored a takedown but Lester would get right back up and again he could not capitalize at all. Lester ate a right hand from Faulkner but there just wasn't much steam on this punch and the British fighter looked like it was going to be a struggle to even finish the round. The final thirty seconds of this round were spent gasping for air by David Faulkner and while he did enough to win the round it appeared this would be the last of his success.
-Bent's Score: 10-9 for David Faulkner-
As the second round began we see Dana White talking with Skyskrape and the late Mask of TapouT about Lester's teeth becoming stuck in his mouth guard in his previous fight. This was interesting to see because obviously TapouT is still thriving and is very much alive but that seeing Mask for a moment made it seem like he didn't really die in an auto accident. Of course this show is not altogether that recent when it makes air but to see Mask just made it feel like you were going to see him again in the crowd for the finale in June.
Faulkner and Lester fought for about thirty seconds when time had to be called due to Faulkner losing his mouth guard, which showed me that he had better have gotten a happy ending from his hypnotherapist because nothing she did worked for him at all. Back to action again and it is Faulkner landing a leg kick and Lester throwing an overhand right. The two clinch once more, and again it is Lester doing a fine job of controlling Faulkner by manipulating his wrists. Lester lands a knee before the two break free from the clinch and return to the center of the Octagon. Again they would clinch and Lester now landed several knees with Faulkner returning fire with one of his own. The two would separate and now Faulkner was throwing wild shots which had no chance of landing and gasping for air with his mouth wide open. With a minute left in the round it was Faulkner hunched over and grabbing at his shorts while taking a moment to try and take a break in order to make it through the rest of this one. The round would come to an end and with it came a guarantee that this would go to a "sudden victory" round barring incompetent judging.
-Bent's Score: 10-9 for Frank Lester-
We see that David Faulkner is seated on the stool in his corner and apparently as comfortable as he was in the hypnotherapist's office as he refuses to get up and continue to fight if this one indeed goes a third round. Dana White calls out that we are going to a "sudden victory" round and Faulkner is adamant that he is not going back out there, and Coach Bisping is beyond livid with his fighter. Bisping is completely unsuccessful in inspiring Faulkner to fight a third round and the fighter is claiming this is because he is unable to catch his breath. Faulkner quits on his stool, referee Steve Mazzagatti waves this one off and Frank Lester is victorious.
Winner is Frank Lester by TKO (Faulkner Quit)
Frank Lester has no right to be here. His win over Kiel Reid came because Reid knocked himself out. James Wilks defeated him and in the process knocked out all of his teeth. Lester got another chance because of Jason Pierce's departure and he stays alive in the competition because David Faulkner quit. Faulkner was deemed the better fighter and most imagined that he would defeat Lester, and do so with ease, but of course he did not and in fact was forced to quit on his stool. Damarques Johnson said that Frank Lester was a pitbull but I say that he is a cat and has used at least eight or even eight and a half of his nine lives.
Bisping told Faulkner that he would "regret this forever" and stormed off due to what he perceived as gloating by Team U.S.A. because their fighters were chanting and celebrating the victory. Bisping's anger was such that he kicked a hole in the door to the locker room and looks like he would love to do more than squirt water into David Faulkner's face.
David Faulkner returns to the locker room and declares that he wouldn't have continued the fight just to be macho and that he could not breathe and his throat went dry. Faulkner continues to say that he enjoyed the fight before speaking about his desire to try his hand at acting in horror movies or possibly becoming a professional wrestler. The latter would make sense for him as he seems better equipped to be a performer than he does a fighter. I firmly understand that wrestlers routinely jump off of ladders, smack themselves in the head with chairs and crash land on concrete floors more times than any human ever should, but save for the physicality it would seem to be more up Faulkner's alley. Faulkner has seemingly little competitive spirit and he does seem like he would rather focus his energies on entertaining rather than competing. Of course, his size will keep him away from successfully becoming a professional wrestler unless he wishes to make spare change on the independent circuit somewhere.
Bisping was incensed by Faulkner's continued lack of giving a damn and chose to take the four finalists out of the locker room in order to speak to them directly. Bisping and his final four all mull over the fact that Faulkner indeed quit and each of these fighters made it clear that they would never do such a thing. Admittedly it can sometimes cause me to roll my eyes when I hear fighter after fighter claim they would rather die in there than to quit, but I do have to say that Faulkner showed zero heart in there and this has nothing to do with him being "macho" or not. His performance was pathetic, and if Jason Pierce wasted his opportunity than it was David Faulkner who actually did much worse as it would be better to quit early on rather than to waste a spot which could go to a fighter who actually wants it.
Frank Lester is overwhelmed by his victory and Coach Henderson praises his mental toughness and his tenacity. Lester says that he is "one step closer to the six figure contract and one step closer to being a bad ass," and I have to correct him because he already is a bad ass to say the very least.
The final welterweights in the competition are Damarques Johnson and Frank Lester of Team U.S.A. and Nick Osipczak and James Wilks of Team U.K. The final lightweights in the competition are Cameron Dollar and Jason Dent of Team U.S.A. and Ross Pearson and Andre Winner of Team U.K. Right off the bat it is plain to see that this is the weakest bunch collectively, and as such means that the fights would not be any good unless Dana White were to pit teammate against teammate.
Which is precisely what is hinted at in the preview for next week's episode. In the preview we see Richie Whitson blistering Jason Pierce, and the entire team looks to be joining in on making him even more miserable than he already is. Which of course would be a harder task than winning the competition. It is suggested that Dana will pit teammate against teammate, and again this is the only way to make for decent fights given who remains in the competition. We are apparently in for a treat with a "slugfest, absolute slugfest," which I hope will be different from the Lester vs. Faulkner "awful fight, absolutely awful fight."
As it stands we are four fights away from finding out just who the final four will be, but it should be painfully obvious to everyone just who they are. If you can't see who will be in the finals it is likely you also wouldn't be able to count how many front teeth that Frank Lester has. This hasn't been the best season, but it certainly isn't the worst, and the country vs. country concept has worked in its initial run. Although I can say that things could have been much, much better, it goes without saying that the fact Robert Browning failed to make the cut guaranteed things could indeed have been much, much worse.
Because if Robert Browning would have made this show it is a lock that we the viewers would have pulled a David Faulkner on 'TUF' and quit on our couches. Quit watching that is. As it stands we have had some to enjoy and next Wednesday at 10pm EST it will again be time to tune in for the next episode as we see if this whole slugfest prophecy will indeed come true.
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