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By: Jason Bent, MMATorch Columnist Last season’s serving of ‘The Ultimate Fighter’ was one that was without much drama, featured two coaches who actually got along and was comprised of a cast of fighters that was arguably one of the least skilled to have been on the show. Now, these fighters were also largely inexperienced but at this stage of the game you are not going to get a pool of talent for this show like season one. With the explosion of MMA due in large part to season one, prospects now can be sought after rather than hoping to just make it by way of the competition. Last season’s winner, Amir Sadollah, had never even fought a single professional fight before winning it all by defeating C.B. Dollaway in the finals.
Overall there were definitely some talented fighters on the show, but by and large they were very raw, and it does not appear that more than just a few will actually remain on the roster in time to come. So, we had some solid fights but not necessarily anything memorable, and the best fighters were able to simply dominate without facing much resistance. Forrest and Rampage joked and did not have any issues with one another; and this was actually refreshing after having dealt with Serra and Hughes as well as the rage exhibited between Shamrock and Ortiz in seasons past. The housemates coexisted rather well inside the house and save for Jeremy May putting lime juice in Matt Brown’s dip and trying to goad Jesse Taylor into a fight, all was quiet on the ‘TUF’ house front.
Heading into this season the fans of this show were hoping for a higher caliber of fighter to emerge and many viewers were also wishing to see some of the famous out of the Octagon antics and drama that had been exhibited in the past. So far I am confident that this group is collectively more talented than last season and I am certain that those looking for the drama will more than get their fill. With the first two episodes behind us, preliminary fights completed and the number of fighters down to the official sixteen, it was time to get this season and the competition officially underway. Sixteen fighters had fought their way into the house and it was time to fight the “demons”. Plastic wrap, underwear, and alcohol would prove to be the three focal points of this episode along with teams being selected, the first fight being made and subsequently the first of the sixteen being summarily sent home.
Before we even got to that point it was time to send two fighters home due to fractured noses as both Brian McLaughlin and Karn Grigoryan were sent home as the NSAC slapped a 180 day suspension on them and thus ruled them unable to continue as a part of the competition. After hearing the news, both fighters continued to hang around the gym and after a period of awkward silence were told “you gotta walk out that door there” by Dana White. Kyle Kingsbury and Roli Delgado would get a new lease on life as they were chosen to replace the two fighters felled by fractures. We now had our cast of sixteen and it was time to meet the coaches who would be guiding the fighters alongside coaches Mir and Nogueira.
This is the moment that we shall forever remember as Al “Stankie” Stankiewicz was introduced as the boxing coach for Team Nogueira. The 67-year-old man is a cross between “Mickey” from the ‘Rocky’ films with a touch of Chris Farley’s, “Matt Foley”, sprinkled in for good measure. This man is definitely eccentric as he manned the pads with the same fervor as when he shouted out motivational phrases, the likes of which are only heard in boxing movies or seen on coffee mugs. “Yesterday is a cancelled check, tomorrow is a promissory note, but today is cash in hand”. These words were uttered by “Stankie” and I felt very lazy for simply sitting on my couch and watching the show as here I was doing absolutely nothing. After hearing this I immediately wondered if perhaps I should alternate between pushups and sit-ups for the remainder of the show or simply turn the television off and run laps around the neighborhood as the strains of “Gonna Fly Now” blasted from my headphones. Needless to say, “Stankie” is quite the character but I certainly hope that if I am lucky enough to reach 67 that I could possess just a portion of his exuberance for life. This man is spry and full of fire and is going to be as fun to watch as he shall be memorable.
Junie Browning is not this season’s Chris Leben; he is simply Junie Browning and clearly one of a kind. Browning entered the house and checked out the liquor cabinet before checking into one of the rooms. Junie was like a furloughed prisoner who had been released from jail and ordered to stay at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch until further notice. An Old Country Buffet could spring up in Ethiopia and villagers would exhibit more restraint than Junie when faced with a seemingly endless supply of alcohol. Browning chugged loads of alcohol, and goaded his teammates into whipping him while he shouted, “Call me Kunta Kinte” before embarking on an evening of trashing the house. So far this season we have had one fighter compare himself to Hitler and now another who shouts that he is the main character from ‘Roots’; to say this is politically incorrect is putting it mildly. When you take this into account and then take a glance at the show ‘Manswers’ which follows ‘TUF’ on Spike, you have for yourself what seems to be cable programming of the future as seen in the movie, ‘Idiocracy’. Chris Leben pissed on a bed but not once did he imagine himself as LeVar Burton. Speaking of beds, this takes us to the next moment from this unforgettable third episode.
Ryan Bader’s bed was definitely treated better than was Jason Thacker’s in season one and it was Krzysztof Soszynski doing the damage with plastic wrap. Not just “some” plastic wrap but rather such a large amount that it would even make a Costco shopper gasp; and with this Krzysztof proceeded to wrap all of Bader’s clothing to the mattress. Layer upon layer of clothing and plastic wrap met the mattress and once Bader realized where his clothes were, it took him a half hour to cut through the plastic and to free his belongings. This was not to be all that Soszynski would cover in cellophane as his teammates gathered up all of Team Nogueira’s underwear and encased them in what appeared to be about ten rolls of plastic wrap before affixing them to the underside of the diving board of the pool. I watched as UFC hopefuls embarked on a “panty raid” of sorts except that they were scavenging for men’s underwear both dirty and clean to be used in a prank. If the ‘Saw’ movies protagonist “Jigsaw” were gay, I would imagine these would be the types of games he would force a house of athletic young men to partake in. While this was a tame and simply harmless prank, I don’t know if I would be as happy to carry an armload of men’s dirty underwear around. When this ball of wrap and skid marks was finally found, it was time for someone to tediously separate plastic wrap from underwear. Ryan Bader and Team Nogueira took this one in stride and after the “Upper Decker” from a couple of seasons ago, this was a decided change of pace.
Team Nogueira would serve up a dinner that was seemingly so delicious that Nogueira himself admitted that if these men were to trade martial arts for those of the culinary variety that he would eat at the restaurant he feels they could open. It was at this point that Junie Browning would show up once again to spit venom towards the evil red jerseys. Do you remember “Highlights” magazine? This of course was the children’s magazines that seemed to only be found in doctor’s offices and featured the “Goofus and Gallant” cartoons. “Goofus” would go about things in the wrong manner and “Gallant” would prove to be the one with manners and always did things properly. Well, Team Nogueira seemed to be comprised of “Gallant” clones as they ate peacefully while sharing smiles and conversation with “Big Nog”. This was when “Goofus” Browning expressed his annoyance at their camaraderie by saying “they’re gay as hell” for holding such a cheery dinner party.
Junie let us know that these coaches aren’t really his coaches as they are not permanent and are simply coaching the fighters for six weeks. I have to say that after this episode I have decided that Junie Browning is the real life “pissing Calvin” sticker which is often seen on truck windows and either urinating on a car manufacturer logo or that of a sports team. It seems the guy can flat out fight and it is for this reason alone that I think his antics have not made me despise him. While I don’t agree with everything he has said and done, I do have to say that he speaks his mind and is without pretension. You will either love the guy or love to hate him and wish to see him get beaten, but everyone will have some sort of feelings about Browning; and compared to forgettable fighters from the previous seasons, this is not entirely a bad thing.
We were treated to our first fight which pitted Ryan Bader against Tom Lawlor and it really was not much of a fight at all. Bader is an extremely skilled and decorated college wrestler who thrashed Lawlor with ease. Lawlor was able to stuff some of the early takedown attempts but one mistake later he found himself on his back and on the receiving end of a thunderous blow which ended this fight and his time on the show. With Lawlor’s head against the mat, Bader landed a punch that simply throttled him and due to Lawlor’s head having nowhere to go it was made even more devastating than it really could have been. In my opinion, Bader is a great wrestler who is explosive, athletic, determined and very raw. He may be able to overpower quite a few of these fighters but he is definitely far from a polished product and needs much refinement. He certainly is one to watch and quite frankly he is one of the favorites to win at light heavyweight from what I have seen and already know of him. Lawlor gave it his all and has nothing to be ashamed of and simply lost to the better fighter.
We were then teased with a preview of next week’s show which seems to feature even more of a liquored up Junie Browning who appears to drink, fight and even jump into the Octagon during a fight. Dana White shows up to give a speech and in the clip shown, called Junie a “sick f**k”. While this may offend some, it must be said that “Sick F**k” is definitely more politically correct than “Kunta Kinte;” and maybe from now on this can be what Junie asks everyone to call him as they smack rods across his back. Of course it does appear that he may be engaging in these hijinks from back in Kentucky rather than under the UFC banner from the looks of things. We won’t know until next week and I am already wondering if it is Wednesday just yet. I don’t know if Dana will ask if anyone “wants to be a f***ing fighter” but from the looks of this season we are going to be treated to plenty of “f***ing” fights, some of which may even take place inside the Octagon. The “Demons” have been exorcised and episode three of season eight is now behind us. Just keep one eye on your underwear and one eye on the television as we prepare for episode four of what looks to be one shocking season of ‘The Ultimate Fighter’.
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Jamie Penick, editor-in-chief
(mmatorcheditor@gmail.com)
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