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BENT COLUMN: TUF 8: Straight Up Team Noguiera vs. Team Mir, Dawg. By: Jason Bent, MMATorch Columnist
Sep 20, 2008 - 12:05:06 AM
The latest edition of the hit Spike reality show “The Ultimate Fighter” is back, and the first episode certainly didn’t disappoint on any level. The fighters appear to be of a higher quality than those who have attempted to make it on this show in the past. I enjoy the fact that the fighters have to actually fight for the right to make it into the house and am glad that they are continuing with the concept which began with last season’s competition. Last time around, the fighters were unaware and as such you had two groups of fighters who imagined that they were the 16 chosen only to find another group of 16 who thought the very same thing.
This season, there should be no excuses given to those who did not show up in the best shape possible and this is directed firmly towards one Jason Guida. This first show was full of drama, some unintentional hilarity and a few fighters who really appear ready for the next level as they dominated their opponents. We really aren’t sure how many great fighters are going to come out of this group but more than a few have made themselves stand out for everything but their fighting skills. Time will tell if we are introduced to stand out fighters but this first episode introduced us to many fighters who stood out and not necessarily for their MMA skills. I was so excited for this new season of TUF that I almost fainted. Almost, I said.
Phillipe Nover actually did faint, and it was a legitimately scary moment, as from seemingly out of nowhere and before Dana White could even address the fighters, Nover’s eyes rolled back in his head and he dropped to his knees. Now, dropping to your knees in front of the boss is a great way to get hired for some people, and certainly a few fighters would probably do so if Mr. White would ask, but in this particular instance it seemed as if this would be the way to not get a job as a fighter. The other fighters wondered if it was nerves, carbon monoxide poisoning or even anthrax but Nover blamed it on the Las Vegas heat and his failure to hydrate properly. Thankfully, Phillipe was up and ready to go without suffering any ill effects but this was a moment where you truly were afraid that something had gone terribly wrong with the man.
I would have to say that in order to make sure he was at weight for the initial round of fights he may have deprived himself of any fluids for the time before he arrived at the training center. Phillipe wanted to be there and clearly was working on cutting the weight before arriving so he was prepared and it is a great thing that he was able to continue. Going forward is what “Fainting” Phillipe was set to do and this was not to be the case for the next fighter I speak of.
“I’m ready to punch all these dudes in the face. I don’t give a **** if he’s in the UFC or not. Anderson Silva? I don’t care. Throw me 500 bucks, I’ll fight Chuck Liddell.” Meet Jason Guida, the brother of current UFC contender Clay Guida and a candidate for bonehead of the season. A lot is said about some of these fighters when Jason doesn’t win the award for dumbest quote of the night as we get to that one later on, but Jason set the tempo for what was to come. Based on his being the brother of Clay, I went into this expecting Jason to really shine and I definitely figured that he would make the final 16. Of course, Jason couldn’t even make the top 32 due to his inability to cut the weight necessary to compete.
Apparently the rest of the hopefuls were chewing ice and sleeping in sauna suits for the weeks leading up to this taping while Jason Guida hung out at Dave & Buster’s while shooting games of mini-hoops and seeing how many wings he could eat in a night. Jason Guida was to be our Bobby Southworth in terms of being overweight but he just couldn’t shed one more pound in order to get the clearance to fight. I understand the commission’s decision in this matter but after watching Southworth nearly kill himself to make weight, it does seem that perhaps one more pound would not have done harm to Guida.
But then again it could have and for that I have to be thankful they told him that no more weight could be lost safely and he was sent packing. Jason Guida looks like one of the Geico Cavemen, and just as quickly as the “Cavemen” show on ABC came and went, so too did Jason. On his way out he did roar and let the commission know that they would “never be forgiven,” but the truth is that Jason will never forgive himself for both his failing to take advantage of this opportunity and his asinine antics towards the Nevada State Athletic Commission. Jason would be swiftly replaced by Mike Stewart who weighed in at 203 and seemed to have spent more time on the scale than in the octagon before being dismantled by Krzystof Soszynski. We will never know how Guida would have fared but we are not the ones who are going to dwell on that; Jason will.
There were plenty of skilled fighters such as the aforementioned Soszynski but more than a few guys who didn’t live up their billing; or in Fernando Bernstein’s case, their nicknames. Fernando “The Machete” Bernstein would face Dave Kaplan who while not having a fantastic nickname a la “The Machete” let us know that he is strictly in this for the money and not honor or anything else. Now, going into MMA for just the money would make sense if fighters were paid similar to athletes in other sports, but Kaplan claiming he was in it for the cash seemed as intelligent as Jason Guida challenging Anderson Silva to a fight. At any rate, Kaplan will get the chance to see if he can make it to the top level and earn top level money; Bernstein will do no such thing.
Dana White joked that maybe a name change could be in store for Fernando as he proclaimed that “The Machete” performed more like “The Butter Knife”. The first season gave us “Strange Brew” and the eighth season brought us “The Butter Knife”. The way Bernstein looked in the Octagon it is a sure bet that Jason Thacker’s pillow could have beaten him and this is why it is such a great thing to have the fighters actually fight to make it to the house.
“Fainting" Phillipe Nover took on Joe Duarte in the next fight, and I really wasn’t expecting too much from Nover; but this changed in a matter of minutes. Nover doled out more punishment while Duarte had his back than most fighters dish out while on top of someone in a full mount. Phillipe threw brick after brick and his heavy hands seemed destined to make Duarte’s eyes roll back in his head and faint himself. I am glad the guy turned out to be just fine after his incident to start the program but I am even gladder that I will get the opportunity to see him fight again in the weeks to come.
Next up was a light heavyweight battle between Eric Magee and Jules Bruchez. Magee was ready to take the torch from Jason Guida and carry on after making some boastful remarks pre-fight. Magee let us know that he dreams of being able to “beat people’s faces in and get paid well to do it” and he just came off as your stereotypical meathead who wants to tell you how much of an ass kicker he is rather than letting you find out for yourself. Of course, Bruchez would come from a similar angle but with a biblical slant as he let us know that he hoped that God would forgive him for what he was about to do.
The difference between the two men is that Jules backed up his boasts, although no word on whether God has forgiven him or whether or not He even watched. We will know when the ratings come in. Bruchez stirred the pot even more once the fight was over as he forced Magee to tap by way of rear naked choke and then shouted for all to hear that he didn’t even throw a single punch and he was also here to win. I would hope he is here to win but it is a fact that he didn’t throw a single punch and it was a solid performance. As for Eric Magee, here is to hoping that he can find an employer who is willing to pay him well for beating in the faces of customers because he showed zero reasons to be given another shot at fighting for the UFC.
Rashad Evans’ brother Lance was to be the second brother of a UFC fighter to attempt to make it on this show and the second one to fail; although at least Lance actually made it inside the Octagon. Jason Guida ate too many orders of ribs and Lance felt that his were broken and both are gone as quickly as they arrived. Lance chose to remain on his stool after one round and the unheralded Vinny Magalhaes will be taking one of the beds in the house. Lance may be a decent fighter in his own right but after this showing it seems he will be the Ozzie to Rashad’s Jose Canseco in terms of success in the sport.
We had our first ever no contest on “The Ultimate Fighter” as Brandon Garner landed an illegal knee to the head of Brian McLaughlin who was unable to continue as a result of the blow. McLaughlin remains in the competition after eating the “knee from hell,” and deservedly so as he was in fact winning the bout before taking the knee, and it makes more sense to keep the fighter who was fouled rather than the one who delivered the illegal blow. The knee was unintentional but one guy has to move on and in this case it is Brian McLaughlin who is going to do so.
If Jason Guida wasn’t the bonehead of the night, then who was? The answer dawg, is Jose Aguilar who is a straight up dumbass, dawg. Of course he didn’t proclaim himself to be a dumbass but rather a “straight up criminal”, dawg. This lovely young man doesn’t believe he belongs with fighters such as BJ Penn or Kenny Florian, and he certainly doesn’t, but he wishes to be spoken of in the same breath as Napoleon, Alexander and oh yeah, Hitler. His exact words were, “…to be honest, dude, I belong with Napoleon dawg. Alexander, dude, Hitler. That’s where I belong. I be conquering mother**kers, dude, period. Pillaging, sh*t like that….that’s where I belong, bro. Criminal dawg, straight up criminal.” Yes, this is how Jose Aguilar chose to introduce himself to the masses, and it was the equivalent of a young man picking up his prom date and telling her parents that his nickname is the “Deflowerer” and then slapping his date’s ass as they head out into the night. Of course no man would ever make it out of that house as the father would in most cases pop the guys jaw before he had a chance to pop anything of his daughter’s.
Wishing to be lumped in with Hitler?!?!? My jaw hit the floor and to think that this guy seriously thought this was a great way to talk trash shows you that he really is as crazy as most fighters like to imagine they are. Aguilar thought this was at once impressive and intimidating and it was asinine, embarrassing and sad. All of the men Aguilar compared himself to are dead and so too is Jose’s dream of fighting in the UFC. If his mouth wouldn’t keep him from the big time, Junie Browning would.
Junie Browning is the Chris Leben of this season and talked a lot of trash while swiftly backing it up to eliminate the much despised Aguilar. Dana White mentioned how in the tryouts that Browning called out to him to ask how he should finish his opponent, and Dana responded with “triangle” before Junie used just that to submit his foe. Now, this isn’t exactly Babe Ruth pointing to where he is going to hit a home run but it is certainly something outlandish and amazing all at once and could be the cockiest thing a fighter without the surname “Diaz” has ever done in a fight. In the pre-taped segment, Junie proclaimed that unlike everyone else, he could “actually fight” and that they were there simply to get a “free Tapout shirt”. As soon as I heard these comments from Browning and swallowed the harsh words of Aguilar, I was ready to see the two of them duke it out, and I was pulling for Junie all the way and am not ashamed to admit so.
Junie Browning put a beating on Jose Aguilar who fought more like Napoleon Dynamite’s brother Kip than he did the Napoleon who ruled France. Aguilar dictated nothing in this fight and much like his idol Hitler, quit when he saw there was no way possible that he could win. Jose did commit career suicide with his comments but simply waved the white flag from his stool when the first round was over as he wished to pull out before taking any more of a beating. As he would tell us after the fight he is still “pretty” and this is all that matters as he feels he did the wise thing in throwing in the towel. Wise is not a word that many would use to describe Jose; and if he truly is a “straight up criminal” then he should not wish to remain so pretty, as I am sure some other ruthless and equally straight up criminals would love the opportunity to pillage Mr. Aguilar’s ass in the state prison. Dawg.
Junie Browning is moving on to the house and is looking forward to the free alcohol, which could prove to be his downfall if he indeed heads down the same path that Leben once did on the show. I am simply looking forward to watching the kid fight as it will be interesting to see if he can be this dominant again; and perhaps he is the fighter proclaimed to be the “next Anderson Silva” that Dana White said he has found on this season of TUF. A lot of people imagined it was going to be Joe Duarte, and some are now wondering if Phillipe Nover is the guy, but my guess as of this very minute is that it could prove to be Browning who White was gushing over. We simply don’t know but there is more than enough incentive to continue watching, and we are only one episode into the season with eight spots remaining before we have our final sixteen fighters. Junie Browning may not be the next Anderson Silva or next anyone at all but he has another fight ahead of him and I wouldn’t want to be his next opponent.
One episode is in the books and we were treated to a shot of Jason Guida’s taint which was thankfully blurred, Jose “Lil Hitler” Aguilar, and Eric “Will Beat Faces in For Food” Magee. We also were witness to some potentially good fighters in Junie “Free Booze” Browning and “Fainting” Phillippe Nover along with Jules “No Punches Thrown” Bruchez. It does appear that some fighters are on their way to revisiting Jesse Taylor vs. Limousine Window but who knows, we may also get closer to Forrest Griffin vs. Stephan Bonnar than we have ever been and that makes it all worthwhile. We may never truly find the “Ultimate Fighter,” but ultimately this show has been the proving grounds for some of the top fighters in the game and it is with great pleasure and much anticipation that I watch for we could be seeing the next great fighter emerge like so many have before.
“The Ultimate Fighter” may no longer be groundbreaking but it is the proving ground for most young fighters who wish to jump right into the mix in the UFC. “The Ultimate Fighter: Team Nogueira vs. Team Mir” is underway and can be found at 10pm on Spike TV while I can be found seated on the couch with my gaze fixed on the screen as I don’t want to miss a single thing.
It would be straight up criminal to miss it. Dawg.
