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By: Rich Hansen, MMATorch Columnist
TITAN FC 33
MARCH 20, 2015
LIVE FROM MOBILE, ALABAMA
Average MMA Fans rejoice! Titan FC is live tonight on CBS Sports Network at 11 PM, and I'm going to be covering all the action here as it happens.
Wait. Hold up. I didn't mean that Average MMA Fans should rejoice. After all, if you're following along live with me at midnight, you're no average fan. So clearly, tonight will be filled with tons of Average MMA, Fans.
It begins at 11 PM EDT.
Fight One: Cody Bollinger vs. Andre Harrison (Featherweight division
Round One: Jason Herzog is the referee for this fight. A nice body kick from Bollinger forces Harrison into the cage. After a good scramble Harrison took Bollinger down and got right on top. He was sloppy with his posture and Bollinger got up quickly. Bollinger immegiately got HArrison up into the fance, but Harrison reversed position. Another takedown by Harrison. That takedown took a ton of strength, but Bollinger got right back up. Another takedown for HArrison, landing in north-south with Bollinger up along the fence. From north-south to side mount, to posturing up. Harrison doesn't know how to do damage on the mat, apparently. A couple nice forearms from the guard by Harrison. Harrison looks content to be on top, and Bollinger just wants to round to end. Not entertaining. 10-9 Harrison
Round Two: Bollinger comes out aggressively with kicks, but who could really tell because the overhead camera must be drunk, as it's circling all over the damn place. Double leg from Harrison forces Bollinger into the fence. He gets Bollinger down, but got sloppy with his neck and wound up having to defend a guillotine for a few seconds. He's out, and Bollinger went for a leg lock. Harrison scrambled out of danger, and got back to half-guard. Both Harrison and Bollinger are showing no urgency here. Harrison's content go stay on top, and Bllinger is content to avoid taking damage. Harrison postured up and hit a big elbow, but Bollinger got back to his feet and pushed HArrison into the fence. Yes, this is as bad as it sounds. The fight is in an airplane hangar, and really sounds like it. Back to the middle of the cage now. Bollinger attempts a step knee, but took a couple of hard counter shots that dropped him. Harrison got on top and... coasted. Great. An elbow every 10 seconds or so, the occasional punch to the ribs. Sigh. 20-18 Harrison Bollinger did literally nothing, but Harrison didn't do enough to get a 10-8 there.
Round Three: Play by play guy is already trying to sell the drama by playing the "Judges can be stoopid" card by referencing Roy Jones in the 1988 Olympics. The difference being, no one cares about, or will remember, this fight. Oh, takedown for Harrison. Bollinger worms his way back up. A quick takedown for Bollinger, but Harrison Slinkys back up and presses Bollinger into the fence. I'm telling you. ELECTRIFY THE CAGE! More than anything, that would save MMA. I'm the hero MMA deserves, damn it. Harrison has Bollinger against the fence and is looking for a takedown. Hey. When'd that happen? After x amount of seconds, Herzog separates them. Firas Zahabi on commentary went all bonzo for a Bollinger spin kick, which immediately led to him getting taken down and turtling up. Harrison is landing really hard knees to the shoulders of Bollinger, who seems catatonic. Harrison is looking for a choke, but Bollinger happily used this as an excuse to lay on his back and just.... chill. The fight ends. I'm underpaid. 30-27 Harrison
Winner: In a fight like this, can anyone really be declared a winner? Certainly not anyone who watched the fight, uncluding Harrison's corner, even. And, 30-27 on all 3 cards for Harrison.
Star Rating and Final Thoughts: (0*) I'm being kind.
- OK, I'll be less kind. Five rounds of Pat Healy coming up.
Fight Two: Pat Healy vs. Kurt Kinser (For Vacant Lightweight Title)
Round One: Bobby Wombacher is the referee. Tell me that doesn't sound like the name of any of a million different 1980's teeanage move dork characters. I dare you. Anyhooo, he's all growed up now, and he's going to referee this fight. Kinser with a nice headlock throw, and lands in side mount, eventually. Healy is spinning trying to get his back. Healy just got his arm trapped between Kinser's legs and is eating punches to the forehead. Healy got out, and is working for top position. Fun grappling. Kinser eventually pops free and we're back to standing. And some Ralphie Parker level striking commences. Kinser presses Healy against the fence. He's controlling the tempo and HEaly doesn't seem to have his normal reservoir of energy. Probably just pacing for 25 minutes. Nice elbow by Kinser, and a big knee. Healy's bleeding from the eye area. Kinser gets a takedown, but eats a couple short elbows. 10/9 Kinser
Round Two: Kinser gets Healy against the cage, and down fast. He's going for Healy's back. Healy gets back up but he has Kinser on his back. Healy reverses but can't do anything with it. The commentators are of the belief that Kinser could tire himself out due to both the pace he's maintaining for the takedowns along with the heat and humidity in the airplane hangar. Kinsler is doing a good job of keeping Healy down, along the fence. Healy gets to his knees and gets to his feet, but Kinser put all his wait on Healy as he did so. And Healy's back down on his butt. Kinser's on his back. Healy gets to his feet and reverses position. Healy muscles Kinser down, and he's on teh back of Kinser, with one hook in. Healy's punching away. Healy's given up the punches to look for the choke. He's trying to flatten out Kinser but the cage is in the way. The commentators are openly rooting for Healy, saying he should have the round because of the fact that they will remember him ending the round on top. But in the real world, 20-18 Kinser.
Round Three: More Ralphie Parker level standup (that's half a level below K1 striking). Kinser's breathing hard, but still maanges to get Healy down. He's very good at staying heavy. Both on his opponent's and viewers' eyelids. Kinser's corner just shouted that he's breaking Healy's will. He's broken mine, for sure. Tell you what. I'm going to stab myself in the eye, and you just assume that Kinser's taking him down, getting tired, getting reversed, eating a punch, getting out of trouble in a methodical manner, and taking Kinser down. Healy down. Healy up. Healy down. Healy reverses. Inverted triangle for Healy. That's semi-interesting. The fan in attendance doesn't seem too aware, though. He doesn't have a choke, it's just potitionally-restrictive. This fight just sucks so hard. 10-9 Healy just because.
Round Four: Kinser wades through Healy's best Ralphie PArkser standup but winds up invertedly triangled yet again. Healy's looking for a kimura from here. Kinser steps over, but Healy is really cranking on that arm. Healy steps over and is on top of Healy, and Healy let do of the arm and the inverted triangle. Healy looks for a leg, but Kinser is all over him again. Healy gets back up, and they're clinching along the fence. They're spinnign and kneeing and clinching and spinning and punching. It's all far less entertaining than I make it sound, though. Healy gets the takedown, but Kinser hops over and gets on top of Healy's lap. He spins and gets on Healy's back. Kinser has control, but isn't doing anything. 10-9 Healy 38-38. Far less dramatic than the score indicates.
Round Five: Healy gets Kinser down first. Kinser looking for a kimura, but isn't going to get it. Healy's on the back of Kinser. Two minutes later, he's still there. One more minute, still there. The round ends. Still there. 48-47 Healy
Winner: Pat Healy by split decision (48-47 Kinser, 49-46 Healy, 49-46 Healy). The ring announcer totally botched the cards and literally, literally, had to read them aloud twice.
Star Rating and Final Thoughts: Well, if the last fight was 0*, and this was a billion times worse, and two rounds longer, and if 0 times a billion is 0, then clearly this is minus-100000000000000* Maybe it's time to do away with the Star Rating thing? No reacton from the crowd. No interview for Healy. No material from me. Moving on...
Fight Three: Jon Madsen vs. Chase Gormley (For Vacant Heavyweight Title)
Round One: Jason Herzog has the worst seat in the house. Madsen comes out looking for blood, but before Firas Zahabi can finish his impresison of Archer in the car from Bullit, Gormley shoots adouble and gets him down. Gormley's got a mouse under his eye after that opening flurry from Madsen. Madsen charges in and eats a knee which backs him off. Madsen misses a left hook, so Gormley shoots a double and can't complete it. Nice flurry of heavyweight punches there, but the commentators need to stop talking about how they can hear the punches. They can hear the punches because THEY ARE IN A CAVERNOUS AIRPLANE HANGAR! Firas Zahabi has repeatedly told the audience that the hexagon won't be able to take the pounding of these two heavyweights. As if either of these guys are Taz or Bam Bam Bigelow. 10-9 Madsen
Round Two: Leg kick from Gormley. Madsen is 45 pounds lighter, circling away from the right hand of Gormley. Nice right from MAdsen to the chin. A nice series of one-off leg kicks from Gormley, attempting to lessen Madsen's mobility. Madseon wades in and doesn't land anything effective. The leg kicks are taking their toll. Gormley lands a nice right hand, and is more effective coming forward now. Nice leg kick once again. He's starting to follow up the leg kicks with a straight punch combo now. 10-9 Gormley
Round Three: Madseon gets a takedown after eating a leg kick, but Gormley gets right up and we're back to the middle. Madsen lands a left and follows up with a takedown attempt. Doesn't get it, though, and disengages. Madseon is doing a better job of getting off before Gormley can get the leg kick in. Leg kickk and a double jab from Gormley. Madsen sells out to get the takedown, but Gormley sprawled and is o top of Madsen's back while he desperately holds on to a leg of Gormley. Gormley is punching the ribs of Madsen, and Madseon is forced to scramble. Those punches are bothering Madsen. 29-28 Gormley
Round Four: Big right from Madseon, and Gormley's eyebrow is split open. He's targeting the eyebrow. Gormley's keeping his left hand way too low considering the state of his left eye. The methodical pace has slowed considerably this round. Madsen just put his hands on his knees, and Gormley couldn't capitalize. Houston Alexander empathizes. Mdsein just rocked Gormley. Big knee form the clinch. Left hand, then a right. Knee. He's WAY too tired to capitalize, though. Gormley with a panic knee. these guys are so gassed, despite Liz Carmouche telling me how good the pace is. Fight is paused for the doctor to check the eye. He did it during flurry. Awful timing. That said, this fight should be stopped. That eye is a mess. Nope. Continue. Both guys sucked all the oxygen out of the airplane hangar. Gormley gets a takedown, and thanks St. Jude (the Catholic Patron Sait of Lost Causes) for the breahter. Gormley gets on Madsen's back. Madsen attempts a hip escape. That was so cute. They're as tired as Cartman doing Stations Of The Cross. 38-38
Round Five: It's funny in the fifth that the fight started with the commentators gushing about how fast this fight would end. And in the fourth to hear Carmouche talking about the great shape they're in. This commentary crew is why promotions insist on controlling production. No action for three minutes. Both guys are throwing one-off punches. Some land, some don't. On the bright side, Zahabi won't be calling the main event. "Gormley just landed a nice uppercut there. Not sure it landed." A quote from Firas Zahabi. Madsen is pouring it on. He threw three punches jogging at a winded Gormley. To be fair, this fight would be done if the ref didn't call a halt to the action in the 4th. Madsen shoots for a takedown, but can't get Gromley down. 48-47 Madsen
Winner: Chase Gormley by Unanimous Decision (48-47, 48-47, 49-46)
Star Rating and Final Thoughts: (0*) Bad decision. I mean, not as bad as my decision to volunteer to cover this card. I just wanted to watch Kurt Holobaugh fight...
Fight Four: Desmond Green vs. Kurt Holobaugh (For Featherweight Title)
Round One: No feeling out here. Both guys are actively trying to find range. Not much landing, but lots of movement and sharp punches being thrown. Both guys land hooks simultaneously. Nice overhand right to the chin from Holobaugh, but Green didn't seem to notice it. This play by play announcer is the worst, and Liz Carmouch is bad too. Play by play guy hasn't called one strike. He just reads his notes. And Carmouche speaks in cliches. Nice flurry from Green, landing a nice kick before getting a takedown. Nice ground and pound here from the champ. Looked for an arm, but it wasn't there and Holobaugh got up. Nice round from the champ. 10-9 Green
Round Two: Nice kick from Holobaugh to start the round. Holobaugh lands hard on Green's chin, but Green manages to avoid further damage by getting on his bike. This fight has found a rhythm; lots of missed punches in the middle of the cage. Nice left-right from Holobaugh. Three times per round this guy asks Carmouche who's winning the round. She shouldn't be scoring the round, Dude. She's kind of busy not telling us what's going on in the fight. Kinda like me. Green gets a takedown and rides on the back of Holobaugh. Holobaugh carries Green's weight to get back to his feet, and they separate. 10-9 Holobaugh. 19-19 Green needs to stop standing with Holobaugh.
Round Three: Still a high pace from both fighters. Nice right from Holobaugh. Green's starting to forget that he's a good wrestler, and prefers to be a below average, high paced kickboxed. Holobaugh does have a bloody nose, though. Then again, so do I. Dehumidifier is on the whack. Holobaugh lands a leg kick, then knocks Green down with a quick right hook. Might've been a slip, too. Announcer says his name, then goes silent for 20 seconds. Thanks, peckerhead. Green got back up immediately. Announcer can only talk about the electricity in the building and every other cliche. Green can't get a takedown, Holobaugh scrambled away. Green eventually finds his takedown with 75 seconds left. Holobaugh trying to get to his feet, but Gren kept his leg trapped. Eventually he slides free and gets to his feet. Lots of circling and missed punches to end the round. 29-28 Holobaugh
Round Four: Holobaugh looks very fresh entering the fourth. Green was breathing deeply on his stool, but is still light on his feet. Green slips on some sweat when going for a lazy sweat. No impact on the fight, but it was silly. He's a big silly. Holobaugh landing left hooks, but should throw combinations more since Green's defense isn't all that good. Green can't land consistently. Holobaugh sees everything coming in advance and is slipping away very well. Nice combination to the body by Holobaugh. Green with s lazy shot, but Holobaugh shrugs it off without any effort. Nice right hand - right body kick from Holobaugh. 39-37 Holobaugh
Round Five: Interesting that in between every round they cut to Green's corner, where Firas Zahabi is, but they never go to Holobaugh's corner. More of the same so far in the final stanza. Holobaugh is in control, but not really doing much. The judges could be swayed by Zahabi's influence, and the fact that Holobaugh's face is marked up. Green ducks under and shoots. He doesn 't get a takedown but he ins on the back of Holobaugh. Holobaugh gets to his feet and comes in aggressively. 45 seconds remain. Green is content to circle away, thinking either he has 15 more rounds, or Zhabai has the judges in his pocket. Holobaugh is landing hard left hands, which force Green to shoot. Holobaugh gets on his back as the fight ends. 48-47 Holobaugh
Winner: Kurt Holobaugh by split decision (48-47 Green, 49-46 Holobaugh, 48-47 Holobaugh)
Star Rating and Final Thoughts: (**) A perfectly reasonable fight. Would have been better had Green used all of his tools, but, you know, whatever.
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