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By: Shawn Ennis, MMATorch Senior Columnist
Note: This is an interview I did with Anderson Silva* right after the announcement that his rematch with Chael Sonnen would take place in an 80,000 seat stadium. At first glance it was so boring that I decided not to even submit it to the Torch. But I got to thinking that Ed Soares' translations were too short for how long Anderson was talking, so I did some further investigation into what the champion really said. That’s where it got interesting. What you will see below is my questions, followed by Anderson Silva's real answers, followed by what Soares claims was said. Enjoy.
Shawn Ennis: Anderson, it was just announced that you will fight Chael Sonnen for a second time, almost two years after your thrilling victory at UFC 117, and it will happen in Rio. What are you thinking on the heels of this announcement?
Anderson Silva: What am I thinking? I'll tell you what I'm thinking, you jabroni. Chael Sonnen, you foolish little man. Do you know what I'm going to do to you when we fight again? It's going to be so bad, Chael. It gives me nightmares when I think about it. You are obviously too stupid to be afraid, or else you would not take this fight.
Ed Soares: I'm very excited and honored to fight in front of my hometown fans in Brazil.
Ennis: As you know, Chael has been very outspoken about wanting to fight you again. Does that give you any extra motivation coming into the rematch?
Silva: Ed, who let this guy interview me? Does he think no one has asked these questions before? This is ridiculous. Hey Chael, remember that time two years ago when I tapped you out with busted ribs? I fought you with busted ribs for five rounds, and you couldn't put me away. And you were on steroids! Let me ask you something, Chael Sonnen. Do you know how bad it hurts to have injured ribs? Do you? Chuck Norris broke his ribs and went crying to his mommy. I defended my UFC championship for five rounds and walked out still known as the best in the world. You don't even deserve a rematch. What have you done? Whom have you beaten? Yushin Okami? I steamrolled him. Nate Marquardt? I laid the smack down on him in one round. You couldn't finish either of them. You held them down for three rounds, and Marquardt still almost got you at the end. Remember that guy Demian Maia? Yeah, the guy who tapped your no-submission-defense-having self in about two minutes? The same guy who just dropped to welterweight? Remember him? I clowned him. For five rounds. He couldn't do anything to me. I clowned him so bad that I wore myself out. If the fight could be stopped due to excessive clowning, I would have won before the championship rounds.
Soares: The trash talk doesn't mean anything to me. I prepare for this fight like I prepare for all fights. It's just another fight.
Ennis: Do you think Chael Sonnen deserves a rematch?
Silva: Of course not! I beat him with broken ribs! Do you know what's going to happen to this man when I'm healthy? In front of 80,000 of my closest friends? Chael Sonnen, your mother is going to weep when she sees what I've done to you. Your friends won't recognize you. You'll be lucky to retain all your limbs. Have you seen what my striking does to people? Do you know how hard I'm hitting them when I'm healthy, Chael Sonnen? I've never hit anyone harder than about 40% of my power. That jab that put down Forrest Griffin? That was like a sparring session to me. In my real sparring sessions, sometimes I actually do them in my sleep in order to challenge myself a little. But you? I'm giving you all my power, boy. I might separate your cranium from your body. I'm going to hit you so hard as to rupture your steroid bacne. Yeah, I said it. Steroids ain't helping you against me, Chael Sonnen. You want to do what you did last time, you better bring some friends, and tell them to bring weapons. Because there is no man alive that can beat me alone. Let alone some fool who can't bust a grape in a fruit fight. I am the best fighter to ever walk planet Earth, Chael Sonnen. You are a guy who rips off Superstar Billy Graham in your post-fight interviews and finishes one fight in five years. You think you're going to beat me?
Soares: If it were up to me he would not get a rematch, but that's who the UFC wants me to fight, so I will.
Ennis: Do you think it will actually be dangerous for Chael Sonnen to be in Brazil given the things he's said about this country and the people who live here?
Silva: You listen to me, you sorry excuse for a blogger. The only thing Chael Sonnen has to fear when he comes to Brazil is Anderson Silva. That's me. Do you know who controls the people of Brazil? Ask anyone. I do. Yeah, they might want to break Chael Sonnen in half, but I tell them to lay off and they do my bidding. But the people of Brazil will have their blood, Chael Sonnen. I will give it to them. And then I will dance around your broken body like a wild man.
Soares: No, I do not think so.
Ennis: Anderson, thanks for your time, and good luck at UFC 147.
Silva: Shut up. Are we done? I have to take a nap while having a sparring session with three guys.
Soares: Thank you.
*This is not true. I never interviewed Anderson Silva. Nothing in this "interview" was ever actually said.
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