FIGHT ONE: DONG HYUN KIM vs. SIYAR BAHADURZADA (WELTERWEIGHT)
- No, I will not cheat and call him 'Siyar' all night long. 'Bahadurzada' it is. I know how to use the clipboard and paste. Bahadurzada, Bahadurzada, Bahadurzada. See?
- Kim is three inches taller than Siyar (oops), and has a three and a half inch reach advantage.
ROUND ONE: Bahadurzada starts the flight by flicking out the jab a couple dozen times. He is a Blackzillian, so I hope that wasn't on the advice of his teammate Rashad Evans. Kim shoots and gets stuffed. Bahadurzada backs off, resisting the temptation to jump into Kim's guard. Some of those jabs have managed to put a mouse on Kim's right eye, so that wasn't anything Rashad taught him. Kim shoots and gets stuffed again. Kim lands a couple straight lefts and puts Bahadurzada onto the cage. He gets a takedown off of a single at the midway point of this round. He gets mount within five seconds. Bahadurzada has his hands clasped around Kim's back, but Kim's peppering Bahadurzada's head with left hands. After landing 50 strikes in a row, from MOUNT, Herb Dean tells Kim to work. Elbows from Kim. Dean AGAIN tells him to work, AND says he's going to stand them up. Herb Dean is a myth. This is from MOUNT. Huge elbow from Kim. Bahadurzada tries to get up, and Kim takes his back. Now in standing position, with Kim on Bahadurzada's back. Kim has a full triangle, so I wonder how Herb can impose his will on this one. Bahadurzada collapses at the end of the round. 10-9 Kim
ROUND TWO: Bahadurzada again flicking the jab, more to find range than anything. Kim shoots and gets stuffed. Kim shoots a double again and gets a takedown. Side-control right in the middle of the ring. Kim peppering the head of Bahadurzada while looking to get to mount. Dull, but effective. Bahadurzada rolls to his stomach and Kim is in a modified north-south position. Bahadurzada rolls back, and has wrist control on Kim. Kim has mount, and starts chipping away until Bahadurzada can no longer muster the strength to keep Kim's posture in control. Kim is punching non-stop, yet being told by the incompetent Herb Dean to work. Kim lands a nice elbow as Bahadurzada no longer has the body lock. Kim clearly looking to get a cut on the brow. Repeated double hammerfists from Kim. Kim is landing at will, but Bahadurzada is defending as well as can be epected with a monster witting on your chin. 10-9 Kim. 20-18 Kim
ROUND THREE: Kim lands a crane kick to the gut and follows up with a takedown in the middle. Side-control for Kim. Kim baits Bahadurzada with a fake crucifix attempt and gets mount easily. Kim going for an arm-triangle. Look for him to get it, and for Herb to stand them up after Bahadurzada goes unconscious. Because, you know, neither fighter would be moving. Kimg really going for that choke. Knees to the body with an arm triangle. Nice. Kim tried to get to side control to finish up the arm triangle, but went back to mount. Kim gives up the choke and lands massive elbows. Double hammerfists again. Thirteen straight right hands force Bahadurzada to lie back down flat on the canvas. Kim lands twenty successive left and right hands. He's clowning Bahadurzada now. He's making Bahadurzada look like a Blackzillian. Oh, wait. Kim's playing to the crowd, and Bahadurzada can't do a damn thing about it. Kim's never looked better, and Bahadurzada looks like he wants to fight for a different company. 10-8 Kim. 30-26
WINNER: Dong Hyun Kim by unanimous decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27)
STAR RATING: (**) You could call it boring. I prefer to call it a fascinating destruction. It was methodical, granted. But every now and then I just love to see someone who is a zillion times better than someone at one specific aspect (Kim's takedowns vs. Bahadurzada's legendarily bad takedown defense) just use it over and over and blow him up. Plus, I credit myself for not once saying that Bahadurzada looks awful with Dong sitting on his face.
FIGHT ONE: MIZUTO HIROTA VS. RANI YAHYA (FEATHERWEIGHT)
ROUND ONE: Marc Goddard will referee this fight. If Shinya Aoki runs in and breaks Hirota's arm, then I know Inoki's got his hands all over this card. Yahya gets Hirota down with a single. Hirota uses the cage to get back down. and throws Yahya down himself. Yahya has Hirota's arm, but Hirota's learned, when the arm is in trouble, get the hell out of Dodge. He's free, and back on top now. Hirota's in a modified half-guard now. Hirota tired to get his leg free and stand, but Yahya stayed on the leg and is on top now. Half-guard for Yahya. Yahya lands plenty of shots from the top before Hirota gets back up. But only briefly, and Yahya puts Hirota back down. Full guard. Herb Dean is suicidal that Marc Goddard hasn't made himself the focal point of this fight. Yahya passes to half-guard, looking for an arm. There's a kimura there if he's willing to dive for it. One thing we know, Hirota won't tap to it. Yahya has the left arm of Hirota locked up. He passes guard while working the kimura. Yahya gives up the arm and takes Hirota's back. This is high-level grappling from Yahya. 10-9 Yahya
ROUND TWO: I can't wait to rewatch round 1, once I'm not distracted entertaining you people. Yahya's one of my favorite grapplers. Yahya gets backed up to the fence, but as soon as Hirota tries to back off Yahya dives for a single and completes the takedown way too easily. Great level change by Yahya. Hirota's on his butt, with his back against the fence. Yahya pulls him down, and is looking for an arm triangle. He's got it from mount. He's going to need side control to finish this. Herb Dean would have stood them up four times. Yahya gets to side control. He can only turn so far because he's on the cage. Yahya gives it up and jumps into guard. That was a weird decision by Yahya. He knew where the cage was, and should have given up the arm triangle and kept mount. Not like he can't get back TO mount, but whatever. not like I'm even a white belt or anything. Hirota can't get back to his feet because Yahya's keeping Hirota parallel to the age. Hirota's gasping for air, his mouth wide-open. Half-guard. 10-8 Yahya
ROUND THREE: Yahya circling ont he outside, lands a nice right hand on the jaw of Hirota. Yahya shoots from distance and gets stuffed. Yahya shoots a single and gets it, right in the middle of the cage. Herb Dean just threw a vase in his dressing rom. Nice scramble, and Hirota has Yahya's right arm trapped in a triangle armbar! Where did that come from? Yahya escaped, but wow! Yahya is on Hirota's back. Hirota got to standing, but couldn't carry Yahya's weight on his back. Hirota's seated, and Yahya isn't on his back anymore. He could transition to a guillotine. Nope; Hirota stands up and gets a double against the cage. Yahya has underhooks. Hirota gets one arm free and settles into half-guard. Hammerfists from Hirota as Yahya tries to get up. Hirota backs up and Yahya is slow to stand. Yahya is dead on his feet. Hirota runs 10 feet with a flying knee, and Yahya barely avoids. Hirota's going for it with 10 seconds left, but it's too little too late. 10-9 Hirota. 29-27 Yahya
WINNER: Rani Yahya by unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)
STAR RATING: (**) See what I said about the first fight, although I don't know anything about Hirota's takedown defense as it compares to Bahadurzada's takedown defense. Yahya's brilliant at what he does best, and he did it over and over and over, until he gassed. That said, Yahya has no future until he can go as hard in round three as he does in round one. On the bright side for Hirota, he should be available for an Aoki rematch. And Aoki might be the One FC champion by the time Hirota gets there.
FIGHT THREE: YUSHIN OKAMI VS. HECTOR LOMBARD (MIDDLEWEIGHT)
ROUND ONE: Herb Dean is the referee, which plays into Hector Lombard's hands. Lombard coming forward from the outset. Okami with a couple leg kicks in an attmpt to keep Lombard at distance. Okami catches one and gets a single leg takedown. Impressive to get Lombard down, but he can't keep him down. Lombard used an underhook to get right back up. Okami's using his jab effectively, and follows up one of of them with a standing knee strike. Nice. Lombard still coming forward, and just missed on an uppercut. He's throwing relentlessly. Okami ducks under one of those hooks and gets another takedown. Lombard's been taken down twice by Okami in less than three minutes. Okami has half-guard. Okami throwing just enough right hands to keep Herb Dean's mouth shut. Lombard gets back to his feet, but Okami presses him into the cage. Okami has a body lock. Lombard turns, but Okami still has his hands clasped. Nice shot to the body by Lombard, but then Okami hits a couple of knees to the midsection. 10-9 Okami
ROUND TWO: Lombard utilizing about a zillion feints, but he did that to start the first, too. Okami lands a knee with up the middle. More jabbing from Okami. Okami is landing the jab at will. And another. Somewhere, this fight is REALLY pissing off Eddie Alvarez. Lombard is desperate to land one punch; Okami is content to land a couple dozen jabs. Okamis's been flawless so far. Lombard hits to the body with an uppercut. Okami shoots a single, and eventually gets the takedown. That's damned impressive, because it was a straight takedown without a clinch to assist him. Somewhere, Bjorn Rebney is smiling. Assuming he can after the schlockfest that he witnessed on Thursday night. Okami continues to soften up Lombard from the top. Okami gets mount with fifty seconds left. This performance from Lombard is telling you that maybe, just maybe, Alexander Shlemenko isn't as good as we think. 10-9 Okami, 20-18
ROUND THREE: Lombard comes out in berserker mode, landing like crazy on Okami. Okami drops to one knee but gets back up. Lombard with a big hook to Okami's right ear. Okami's got his wits about him. Okami shoots, gets stuffed, and Lombard jumps into half-guard. Now that the fight has stalled, I'll go back. Lombard iddn't do to Okami like Boetsch did to Okami a year ago. But he did hurt Okami. Anyhoooo, Lombard has been on top for 45 seconds, and hasn't done anything. Okami getting back up, trying to reverse with a single leg, but Lombard sprawls and spins. Lombard is on top of a turtled Okami. Lombard lands an illegal strike to the back of Okami's head, but since, you know, he's working and all that jazz, Herb ignores it. Okami gets to his back, and Lombard's in the guard. Lombard stands and just looks at Okami. Okami explodes back up and Lombard clinches with him. Because, you know, Fight IQ. Both guys are gassed. Okami shoots, gets stuffed, Lombard takes guard. Because, you know, fights are won from the guard with one minute left. And, you know, Fight IQ. Lombard is just awful. Okami grabs Lombard's leg and is just trying to ride out the clock. The clock on Lombard's UFC career, I mean. Okami gives it up and politely rolls Lombard inside of his closed guard. 10-9 Lombard. 29-28 Okami
WINNER: Yushin Okami by incomprehensible split decision (28-29, 29-28, 29-28)
STAR RATING: (*+) That wasn't a good fight. Okami's impressive. But what he does well, no one wants to watch.
FIGHT FOUR: TAKANORI GOMI VS. DIEGO SANCHEZ (158 LB CATCHWEIGHT)
- Sanchez comes into this fight after nearly an entire year off. He has a two inch height advantage, and stands two inches taller.
ROUND ONE: Marc Goddard is the third man in the cage for this fight. A leg kick by Sanchez is met by a counter leg kick from Gomi. Sanchez has faked a couple shots already. Gomi lands a nice right hand. Gomi has been switching stances like Obama switches stances on drones. Big right by Gomi. Sanchez was coming in with his head down and paid for it. Gomi takes a shot to the groin, but only takes a couple seconds off. Sanchez with a nice takedown, and he's poinding away. Gomi escapes. Sanchez wasn't using his massive weight to keep Gomi down. Gomi has stopped flicking the jab that he was using at the beginning of the round. Sanchez eats a flying knee while completing a takedown. Canchez dives for a kneebar, but that was a bad choice. Gomi back to his feet. gomi eats a high kick, and delivers a body shot. Sanchez felt that. Both guys looking really good so far. Sanchez lands another leg kick. Sanchez catches a Gomi kick and complete a takedown as the horn sounds. 10-9 Sanchez You could score it for Gomi, and I won't argue.
ROUND TWO: Gomi is back to the jab. Sanchez comes in and hits an upeprcut to the body. Gomi returns fire to the body. This is a weird fight so far. Gomi's completely working that left jab now, and following up with rights to the body. Sanchez kicks the cup again. Goddard stops the fight and tells Sanchez point blank that any groin contact will cost him a point. Restart. Gomi with a left hook. Gomi really looks good, and Sanchez is... off? Sanchez is content to circle along the cage. Normally Sanchez is the pursuer. Gomi's starting to miss with wild hooks. both guys land jabs at the same time. Straight right from Sanchez. Sanchez with a right uppercut after missing a 1-2 coming in. Gomi's working the leg kicks now. Gomi's winging hooks again, and missing badly. What a strange round. Diego shoots, eats a right hands, and doesn't get the takedown. right body kick from Gomi lands. and a leg kick. Sanchez with a left kick to the liver finds a home. Sanchez with a punch to the liver. 10-9 Gomi. 19-19
ROUND THREE: Sanchez sprints to the middle of the cage, and then does nothing. Like I said, weird fight. Gomi is far faster than Sanchez. Like I said, weird fight. What's next? Diego gassing out as Gomi gets a kimura to finish the fight? Gomi's determined to keep the fight standing, and of the cage. Gomi's flicking that left jab again whebever he's in the right hand stance. Sanchez lands a jab, then a kick to the body. Gomi's still thinking about the kill shot, as he's consistently overthrowing the right hand. Gomi is much better tonight when he throws the right hand at like 80% effort. anchez has a lot of red over his eye. Gomi eats another liver kick. Sanchez appears to be off by 6 inches every time he throws. Diego shoots a single with no set-up, and gets nothing. Nice right hook behind the ear from Sanchez. Sanchez with a left head kick, but Gomi catches it and throws Sanchez off him. One minute left, and Diego needs to do something other than look for takedowns. Sanchez clinches, but can't get a takedown. Sanchez with a liver kick, but just like the headkick two minutes ago, Gomi caught it and threw him aside. Sanchez ends the fight in berserker mode, but that was WAY too little WAY too late. Gomi looked solid, Sanchez looked slow and confused. 10-9 Gomi. 29-28 Gomi
WINNER: Diego Sanchez by split robbery (29-28, 28-29, 29-28)
STAR RATING: (*) A decent little fight, completely ruined by the worst decision of the year.
FIGHT FIVE: MARK HUNT VS. STEFAN STRUVE (HEAVYWEIGHT)
- Struve officially has a 13.5 inch height advantage, and a 10.5 inch reach advantage. Not often you see a guy who can dunk a basketball without jumping fight a guy who can't dunk if he's two steps up a ladder.
ROUND ONE: Herb Dean is the referee for this fight. Struve with a right head kick, which he used like a jab, to find range. Hunt with an outside leg kick. Struve throws his first jab, 45 seconds in. Hunt swinging 3 wild hooks. None were close. Struve is starting to work the jab, with power. Hunt clinches behind a left hook, and Struve pulls guard. Hunt is in top in guard. Struve has overhooks on Hunt's arms. Hunt trying to power to his feet, but Struve is holding him down. Struve sweeps to mount. Uh-oh. Hunt tries to hip escape, and does get Struve to half-guard. Struve's looking for an arm triangle. It's not there. Struve get mount, landing bombs. Struve holds the fence twice, and get warned each time. No point taken. Should have been, because he got warned before the second one. Struve looking for an arm, but Hunt reverses and is on top of Struve now. Struve is thinking submission from the bottom. Hunt dives back in with a solid punch. Struve is doing a good job keeping Hunt's weight off of him. Another nice right from Hunt. Hunt passes the guard and gets side control. The round ends with Hunt in side control. Whoda thunk it? 10-9 Struve
ROUND TWO: Hunt presses forward, and lands a big left hook. That's his weapon of chocie (Christopher Walken), but Struve ate it well. Struve working the jab now. Struve dodges another leaping left hook. Hunt goes to the body. Struve covers up, and Hunt goes to the body again. Struve is working the jab again. Hunt ducks under and lands a succession of left hooks as Struve covers back up. Hunt has the best head movement in the division. Period. Hunt lands a double jab, then right hook. Struve lands a right hook. Struve misses a right cross. #HeadMovement. Hunt gets to the clinch and throws Struve down with a foot sweep. That was pretty, but why does he want to be on the canvas with Struve? Butterfly guard. Hunt tries to back off, but Struve pulls Hunt down by the leg and ha an ankle lock. Hunt backs out, but then jumps back into guard. Somewhere, Chico Camus shed a single tear. Struve has wrist control, and Hunt isn't doing anything from the top. This is asinine. Side control again. but it's not like Hunt's looking for a kimura. Hunt gets back to standing, but Struve pulls Hunt back down and lands in mount. Hunt is desperate to lose this round. This is the worst fight IQ I've ever seen. Struve pounding away. hunt rolls, Struve goes for an armbar, but he was too aggressive and now Hunt is on top in guard. Struve should've stayed with the mount. This is the dumbest pair of fighters I've ever seen. 10-9 Hunt, 19-19
ROUND THREE: Hunt to the body. hunt with a jab (?!?!), Hunt with a gigantic left hook. How did Struve eat that? His head rotated with some serious torque. Right hook left hook from Hunt. Nice flicking head kick by Struve. These guys are dog tired. As soon as Florian says Struve can take over, Struve almost passed out from a huge right hook. Struve eats a right hook and a left hook, and it's over. Hunt did the walk-off KO but Dean waited 304 seconds to actually stop the fight. Struve was near dead. Mark Hunt is my hero.
WINNER: Mark Hunt by TKO at 1:43 of round 3.
STAR RATING: (***-) Look, I'm in a desert here. anything that even smells like water is going to be graded very generously. That was an ugly fight, full of awful choices by both men (and Herb Dean), but damned if I didn't love every second of it. As to the finish; Hunt hit a right then left hook. Struve fell and put his legs up to defend. Hunt walked off. Dean didn't stop the fight. Struve stayed down, so Dean called the fight. Hence the TKO.
FIGHT SIX: WANDERLEI SILVA VS. BRIAN STANN (LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT)
ROUND ONE: Marc Goddard draws the refereeing assignment for the main event. Interestingly, there's a loud USA chant in the arena. 30 seconds before any strikes thrown, and then they both start swinging like freaking madmen. Stann drops, due to a slip. Stann gets back up, more Don Frye from both guys, and Silva presses Stann into the cage. Silva disengages. Stann's bleeding from the nose already. Stann coming forward, and eats a big strike. both guys in full berserker mode, how in the hell can I call this action? Silva is down, but Stann can't capitalize. Both guys back to standing. This is freaking nuts. the bursts are only a few seconds at a time, but, damn! Silva takes a shot to the cup, and Goddard stops the action. Stannd went to the head with a knee, but the foot caught the cup. Pure accident. Stann's nose is broken. the fight restarts after 90 seconds, give or take. Stann backing Silva up with feints. Silva starting to jab, trying to get to the nose. body kick from Stann, but Silva couters with a big right hand. Silva back to the jab. Stann with a clubbing outside leg kick. 90 seconds remain. I need a beer, and asthma medication. and I don't have asthma. Stann is working the outside leg kick again. Smart. Stann charges in, both guys are in berserker mode. Stann falls, and is back up. They're trading again, and Silva is down. Stann on top. And there's a ton of blood. Stann in guard with 30 seconds left. There's blood everywhere, likely from Stann. No action on the ground as the round ends. Holy s***snacks! 10-9 Silva
ROUND TWO: The blood at the end of the first was from the bridge of Stann's nose. Stann coming forward, just like in the first. Stann's nose is bleeding again. This matchmaking is Joe silva's crowning achievement. Silv looking to counter every time Stann throws a leg kick. Which is frequently. Stann's throwing enough leg kicks that he might be setting up a head kick. Silva eats another kick to the groin, and Goddard pauses the fight again. This was just a leg kick that missed. Goddard gives Stann a respectful, stern talking-to. Game on. Stann goes right back to the inside leg kick. Silva with a straight right hand that backs up Stann. Stann with a nice righ thand. Silva with a head kick, and Stann ate it full. Stann back to the leg kicks. This round is much slower than the first, but how could it not be? This is still better anything tonight that didn't involve Mark Hunt. Stann continues to feint, trying to set up something later on. Silva dives in with a right hook, and Stannd crashes to the mat. Two right hands on the mat, and the fight is over. Unbelievable! Just freaking... I don't believe it. Wanderlei Silva knocked out Brian Stann at the Saitama Super Arena! The PRIDE fans are going to be singing like Klingons tonight!
WINNER: Wanderlei Silva by KO at 4:08 of round 2.
STAR RATING: (*****) That is the fight of the year. Period. I will hear no discussions otherwise. If you don't like this fight, then you need not ever watch sports again. OK, already I know I'm being a hyperbolic idiot, but screw it. That was just bloody amazing.
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