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DREAM 16 LIVE RUNNING COMMENTARY: Rich Hansen's live commentary on DREAM 16
Sep 25, 2010 - 6:00:00 AM DREAM 16 LIVE RUNNING COMMENTARY: Rich Hansen's live commentary on DREAM 16

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By Rich Hansen, MMA Torch Columnist:

12:58 - We're 2 minutes away from airtime, which means we're 20 minutes away from the grand intro, and about 3 days away from the first fight. Ah, pacing. In the meantime, enjoy another GGW commercial.

1:00 - Schiavello opened the show with 45 seconds on the number '16'. Cut to ringside where Schiavello and Trigg are wearing wrestling masks. I laughed. Will continue to do so fr about 3 minutes.

1:03 - I want my own lucha libre mask now.

1:05 - Apparently Mayhem had an extremely difficult weight cut.

1:11 - Schiavello took the hanky out of Trigg's pocket and wiped his nose. Keep in mind, while wearing the mask. Trigg stood up and slugged him. I think it was a work, as they just happened to cut to the introductions of ringside notables.

1:19 - Grand intro. I was wrong. It was 21 minutes away from when I said it would start; not 20.


Fight # 1
* Yusuke Kawaguchi vs. James Thompson


1:25 - Nothing on this planet irritates me more than The Black Eyed Peas taking that riff from "Miserlou" (Opening song for Pulp Fiction credits). I bring this up because Colossus is walking to the ring to it. Go THOMPSON'S OPPONENT!!!

1:30 - Lots of muay thai knees and sloppy punching. Trigg is pimping that this is a great fight. Uh, no.

1:35 - Thompson's standup defense is awful. And he sure does wind up backed into the ropes and the corner way too easily. Kawaguchi is pummeling thompson, knocked him down, got on top, can't hold him down, and we're back to standing with Thompson backed into the corner. Thompson's gassed, and has no power remaining.

1:38 - No one thought this was going the distance, now it seems likely (sadly). Both guys are punched out. Thompson with the perfectly executed takedown (read, the both fell and Thompson landed on top), and both guys are taking a break whilst on the canvas.

1:40 - Kawaguchi got his air back and stood up. Thompson is getting rocked again, and they're on the mat again, Thompson in Kawaguchi's guard. Kawaguchi's bleeding quite a bit from his nose. thompson has the mount, but is fully gassed. He has Carwinitis. Or is it Carwindosis?

1:41 - Look. That they can take these shots is impressive. But this fight sucks.

1:44 - At least they aren't selling this is a good fight anymore. thompson gets a single leg, but is too fired to get the takedown. Fortunately, he was too tired to stand up straight, and eventually Kawaguchi toppled. they're both just resting. It's telling that Kawaguchi is willing to rest while fully mounted.

1:46 - Also telling is the fact that when the fighters got moved from the ropes to the middle, Thompson could barely get up, much less walk to the center. 40 red cards each, please.

1:48 - It's over. Thompson could win. He had multiple takedowns, and had mount several times. So, since this is Japan, the Japanese fighter won a split decision.

Result: Yusuke Kawaguchi by Split Decision and Unanimous Apathy.

1:51 - I think it's time to boycott the heavyweight division. Gimme some Endless Warrior, please...


Fight # 2
* Mitsuhiro Ishida vs. Akiyo Nishiura

1:52 - I wish I knew what the music on this intro video was. some 1970's soul funk. That's awesome. Wicky v. Endless Warrior, coming up next.

1:54 - Wicky came out to the weirdest music (um, was that music?). Ishida coming out to Coldplay. GO WICKY!!!!

1:59 - Wicky is as aggressive as billed, constantly coming straight at Ishida. In other news, Ishida with the takedown. Trigg shitting over Ishida's inability to ever finish fights.

2:01 - Trigg just explained that missing with 4 punches and getting taken down is just as important as getting taken down and being on your butt for 3 minutes. Also, he thinks getting KTFO by Koscheck and Serra should earn one 2 victories...

2:03 - 4 minutes in, very dull. Ishida going hard for the takedown, Wicky not going for the guillotine. Ref separates the, Wicky changes tactics and bullrushes Ishida upon the restart, and Ishida gets the half takedown again. Oh wait, that's the same strategy and result as before. Shit.

2:07 - Trigg and Schiavello begging for a suplex. Schiavello suggest to Trigg that we might see Trigg's favorite move, a standing rear naked choke. Trigg is *not* impressed. This fight suckeses. Ref separates them. Wicky doesn't come forward like a bull this time, so Ishida shoots from distance and gets Wicky down again. Round ends with Ishida having back control, standing. Trigg and Schiavello are begging for a suplex.

2:10 - Wicky needs to land something, and pick his shots a little better. Wicky started out more patient, but got too close while looking for the perfect strike, and Ishida took him down. None of these takedowns are planting Wicky on his back, but they're all getting him to a sitting position against the ropes, with Ishida all over him. The referee has stood them up 4 times throughout this fight. Another standup, and another semi-takedown. Standing in the corner, and Ishida has his back. Ishida has no interest in finishing, nor does he have the ability to do so anyhow.

2:13 - Ishida gets mount in the corner. Ref moves them to the middle, restart, and immediately lsoes mount. Wicky gets to standing, and Ishida gets his back once again. {sigh}

2:15 - Another restart. Ishida eats a HUGE flying knee, and about a dozen punches. Ishida is hanging on for dear life, bleeging heavily. The round ends. I think Ishida has to win. Even though he did no damage, he controlled Wicky for 14 minutes of the fight.

Result: Mitsuhiro Ishida by Split Decision.

2:17 - They got it right, but I think I'll decline any future opportunities to watch The Endless Staller.

Fight # 3
* Takeshi Inoue vs. Kazuyuki Miyata

2:26 - I might skip this to tend to the baby. the last two fights have made me think that maybe HDNet doesn't need to air ALL of the fights...

2:32 - Miyata with back to back, um, belly to back suplexes. Or should I say, consecutive German suplexes. Meanwhile, Schiavello needs to change his pants.

2:37 - Trigg and Schiavello are using this ball shot inspired time out to talk about people impregnating people to their dolce tones.

2:41 - Fight has resumed, but I'm just not feeling it.

2:45 - Miyata is very impressive. He's about as strong as anyone at 143 pounds. Inoue looks good as well. It's a good fight, lots of actions, styles that mesh well.

2:48 - I just started feeling this fight, and then they spent 2.5 minutes in the corner, with Miyata Ishida-ing Inoue. Miyata just took a second ball shot. Let's hope they don't spend this breka talking about people getting it on to the sounds of their voices...

2:51 - Restart. Grapple grapple grapple, bell, Miyata will win by unanimous decision.

Result: Mitsuhiro Ishida by Unanimous Decision.

2:54 - Meh. I hope the prelims didn't kill my enthusiasm for the rest of the card, because all 7 remaining fights are interesting as all hell.

Fight # 4
* Joachim Hansen vs. Hideo Tokoro

2:56 - Tokoro vs. Hellboy? Yes please! Can Tokoro fight for 15 mintues? Is Hellboy over the hill? Soap references are so easy to make.

3:02 - This card needs the Tokoro that fought Abel Cullum vs. the Hansen that defeated Aoki. Not the Tokoro who has lost 5 of 7 vs. the Hansen who has lost 3 fights in a row. I think Aoki ate Hansen's soul in their second fight. 10 seconds in, and Tokoro took a ball shot.

3:04 - And another ball shot. This one was massive. Trigg and Schiavello are enjoying Tokoro's agony. Hansen just got a yellow card. Trigg and Schiavello need to grow the firetruck up.

3:10 - 26 seconds in, and 2 ballshots. Tokoro came out like a house of fire. Hansen has the mount, winds up in guard, and is battering Tokoro. Hansen's leg is in jeopardy, but is determined to punch his way out of this. Mounted triangle by Hansen. Hellboy rolls to the bottom, still has the triangle, but it's not perfect. Tokoro slams him, doesn't break the hold. Tokoro taps.

Result: Joachim Hansen by Submission (Triangle Choke) at 2:48 of Round 1.

Good win for Hellboy. Shame he went to the balls to get there, though.

Fight # 5
* Cole Escovedo vs. Michihiro Omigawa

3:15 - I honestly don't know how this fight can suck. This fight should be a full fledged momentum changer (JINX!)

3:22. I'm in absolute awe of Cole Escovedo's comeback. From WEC champion to paralysis to 3 years out of action, and back to fighting. Amazing. Anyhoo, Omigawa gets mount 1 minute in, but Escovedo is controlling posture. Switches to side position. Going for a top side choke, misses it, and Escovedo gets top position, in guard. I turned my head for 30 seconds when the baby cried, and Escovedo tapped to an armbar. Sounds like his arm is busted up bad.

Result: Michihiro Omigawa by Submission (Reverse Armbar) at 2:30 of Round 1.

3:26 - Tending to the baby. back soon...

Fight # 6
* Chase Beebe vs. Hiroyuki Takaya

4:40 - I'm back. Takaya vs. Beebe. Takaya has looked awesome lately. His KO over Joachim Hansen at Dream 15 was fantastic. Takaya just landed a huge left hook that dropped Beebe. Couple shots on the ground, and it's over!

Result: Hiroyuki Takaya by Knockout at 1:45 of Round 1.

4:42 - That was a fantastic left hook by Takaya. Beebe was out; his legs went completely out from underneath him. Beebe was complaining about the stoppage, which proves just how out of it he was. Takaya told the crowd that he, not Omigawa, is the big dog of the FW division, and his next fight has to be for Bibiano Fernandes' title.

Fight # 7
* Ikuhisa Minowa vs. Satoshi Ishii

4:46 - Long damn intermission, which I skipped through. This is a strange fight. Minowa, who will fight anyone, anywhere, vs. Ishii, who doesn't want to fight anyone, anywhere.

4:50 - Um, I think Schiavello kinda likes Minowaman... Ishii seems unfazed by Minowaman, though. Superhluk my ass, he thinks.

4:52 - Ishii is 45 pounds heavier than Minowaman. Ishii has him in the corner, where he wants him. Gets the takedown, and you can bet Minowa will look for a leglock. Side control for Ishii. He needs to take advantage of this position while he can.

4:54 - Minowa was able to rock out of side control and got back to his feet, after eating a couple shots on the way up. Ishii's size is very hard for Minowa to overcome. Ishii's back on top in side control again. Ishii is dominating this fight. Minowa's able to get up from time to time, but Ishii is forcing him back to the corner, and then to the mat. Not a ton of damage, but total control. 3 minutes left in the round, and Minowa is back on the ground.

4:58 - More of the same, and the round ends. Minowa needs a miracle, or for Ishii to channel Sokoudjou. Minowa's corner looks very worried.

5:00 AM - Ishii throws a couple punches, grabs Minowa, and throws him down and into side control. Didn't need technique there, he's just too big and strong for Minowa here. Ishii's been very aware of the kneebar tonight, and has avoided it on 2 or 3 occasions. Minowa's trying to get to his feet, but Ishii threw him back down. Minowa has nothing for Ishii here. 3 minutes left in the round.

5:02 - Minowa's being patient, too patient. Clips Ishii, but no damage. Ishii pushes him to the corner and trips him down, side control. Ishii's halfheartedly looking for a submission, bnut is content to let it go and the first whiff of trouble. He's going to ride Minowa out for a ridiculously easy unanimous decision victory.

Result: Satoshi Ishii by Unanimous Decision.

5:05 - This was the best Ishii has ever looked, but it's not like Minowa, internet fanboy hype aside, is anything special. Schiavello is asking if Minowa is hurt, or has any excuses. Nope. He's just not very good at mixed martial arts. Moving on...

Fight # 8
* Shinya Aoki (#8 Ranked LW) vs. Marcus Aurelio

5:06 - I don't know when this happened, or how or why, but somehow I've turned into a bit of an Aoki fan. I still don't think he can beat any top flight UFC competition (or Melendez), but between the way he dismantled Kawajiri, and his willingness to show ass (wrestling term, not literally), he's grown on me. I just hope this fight with Aurelio doesn't turn into 15 minutes of bad striking.

5:09 - Nice to see that Aurelio's sudden, severe, elbow injury has healed so well. Either Jason Chambers is the nicest guy in the world, or he's getting played.

5:11 - Baka Survivor! Needless to say, this has more impact for the people of Nagoya than the people of Nashville.

5:13 - The DREAM ring announcer has Bruce Buffer out-cooled by about 42 points. Hard to believe, aint it?

5:16 - Aurelio looks like a welterweight, Aoki looks like himself. No magic tights, though. Aoki tries to grab a leg, gets punched in the nose for his efforts. Gets Aurelio down this time, in the middle of the ring. Aurelio escapes, with a nut shot that the ref didn't see. Aoki with another takedown, and lands in mount, with a full body triangle.

5:19 - Aoki hasn't been able to grab anything, but has bene throwing punches to the ribs and some hammerfists. Aurelio is defending well, making Aoki ground and pound instead of working for a submission. They've been in the same mat position for about 3 minutes straight now. That leg triangle that Aoki has cinched in is really tight. Aoki is softening him up this way, so there's no need to change until Aurelio adapts.

5:22 - Aoki gets side control, and throws a big knee to Aurelio's side. That was sweet. Aoki has Aurelio's head controlled, he's thinking about submissions now. Aurelio's playing for a referee standup, but isn't getting it. Back to full mount, with a tight body triangle around Aurelio's thighs.

5:24 - Key to the round has been the tight body triangle. For some reason the ref stood them up and showed a yellow card to Aurelio. Bizarre. Aoki shoots, Aurelio takes Aoki's back, but Aoki scrambles and winds up on top, in guard. Wow! Aoki cracked Aurelio with 45 seconds left in the round, and passed to half guard while Aurelio was counting his teeth. Aoki's content to hold on and wait for the bell. Aurelio's face is battered as his corner tends to him.

5:30 - Aoki gets Aurelio into the corner. Clinchy clinchy, Aurelio's on his back, half guard. Restart in the middle (stooopid ropes). Restart, and Aoki gets the mount. He's fighting very conservatively, probably out of respect for Aurelio's submission game. Very dull fight. Atypical for Aoki, but understandable.

Result: Shinya Aoki by Unanimous Decision.

5:31 - No need to hunt down the video of this fight. It bodes well for Aoki's future that he can get and keep top control on a larger fighter who possesses ground skills, but that doesn't make the fight interesting to watch.

Fight # 9
* Kazushi Sakuraba vs. Jason Miller

5:33 - Mayhem has made it clear that Sakuraba is his idol, and that he wants to be the first man to submit Saku in a fight. We will see.

5:35 - It's time for a Millerentrance. He has Saku tape on his left ear, and 8 dancing girls on stage with him.

5:36 - I don't think I could describe how bizarre Saku's entrance video was, nor can I translate it. Just chalk it up to Japan.

5:40 - As much as this fight means to Mayhem, I think he's going to choke him out.

5:42 - Miller has the size advantage, and is definitely throwing with evil intentions. Saku drops down, Mayhem standing over him. Sakuis locking up a leg here, but Mayhem defends. Mayhem has him mounted and s unloading. ARM TRIANGLE, and SAKURABA TAPS. Dominant victory for Mayhem.

Result: Jason Miller by Submission (Arm Triangle Choke) at 2:48 of Round 1.

5:45 - Sakuraba needs to retire. Mayhem speaking Japanese to the crowd, very respectful. Switching to English, Highly respectful. Not exactly as emotional as Mir after beating Nog or anything, but you can tell that Mayhem is feeling it.

Fight # 10
* Tatsuya Mizuno vs. Gegard Mousasi (#10 ranked LHW) (DREAM Light-Heavyweight Grand Prix Final)

5:46 - I love that while I am watching Dream 16, HDNet is showing a commercial for the repay of... Dream 16.

5:47 - Back from commercial, and Mayhem is still at ringside, greeting everyone on press row. He's milking the moment for all it's worth, and god love him for it. If he feels this is the biggest moment of his life, then he should enjoy it whilst he can.

5:50 - Intro video for Mousasi, to "It's a Long Way to the Top if You Wanna Rock and Roll." Oh, Japan, don't ever change.

5:51 - These videos are sweeet. But someone has to explain to me why they all have a 50 year old guy in traditional Japanese costuming playing the drums.

5:52 - As much as I might've wanted to see Manhoef vs. Mousasi, Mizuno impressed me when he took out Manhoef, so I am fine with this match. Mousasi's gonna blast him, but that's hardly the point.

5:55 - Mousasi outclassed Mizuno here, to the shock of no one. Mizuno had a shot while the fight was standing, but once Mousasi got him down, he was just toying with him, patiently softening him up. Mousasi got a rear naked choke on him, and Mizuno tapped almost immediately.

Result: Gegard Mousasi by Submission (Rear Naked Choke) at 6:10 of Round 1.

This was not a good event. I love the show, the flair, the productions. But the fights were drab. Hansen, Omigawa, Takaya, Miller, and Mousasi looked like stars. Bu every one of those guys looked as awesome as they did against lesser competition. I really, REALLY want to see Omigawa and Takaya make their way to the WEC, as both these guys could give Aldo a fight.

And Michael Schiavello... Take that Che Guevara shirt and stick it up your ass.